Friday, August 05, 2005

Say No To Grandpa Joe

Just a little something I found hilarious and wanted to share with you all. Last night while talking to Jenny, she pointed me to a post on the message boards at where some guy was exposing the true evil nature of the character of Grandpa Joe from the old Willy Wonka movie. I'm gonna copy it word for word here for you guys, but if you want to see the actual post, go here. For those who aren't into it, there IS some coarse language ahead, so beware. That said, check this out...

"Ok let me start off by saying I love this movie…. It is, and always will be a favorite of mine, but I have to voice the one thing about the movie that has always driven me nuts… THAT NO GOOD LAZY GRANDPA JOE….He is maybe the most evil man in all films. I mean let’s take a look at this man... He lays in bed for 20 or so years, smoking a pipe every day, while poor Charlie and his mom had to work their fingers to the bone, and eat nothing, as him and the other three played footsies in the bed…. But we all know secretly the old bastard was moving around, because notice that one night Old grandpa pulled out that secret Wonka bar, and told Charlie to keep it down as he opened it…. WHERE DID HE GET IT FROM? What the Wonka Fairy come down and leaves it under his pillow? That guy proubly threatened to beat the sh@t out of the other three, if they tipped Charlie or his mom off to evil Grandpas plot to not work…. Charlie brings home the bread, and lazy old grandpa didn’t even care if it was stolen, just that he could get his old gums around a piece of that bread…. What a freaking role model for a kid… Now we get to Charlie winning the ticket, and asking old Joe to come with him…. After a cleaver act, he is dancing around the room, even tapping his heels in the air, and what does he sing? I’VE got a golden ticket…. That greedy old goat took Charlie’s thunder... But being the good kid Charlie is, he danced along with him…. Now they get to Wonka’s and we see him make a pig of himself in the Chocolate room... But hey who didn’t…. We get the goobstopers, and notice who pipes in when Charlie doesn’t get one… Old Joe… He damn well knew Slugworth offered the money, and figured if Charlie lost, f**k Wonka, I am getting the cash… Then we get to the wall paper, and him licking the fruit… Now let me say old Joe licked that paper like a freaking porno star.. It makes you wonder ‘Hey Joe who the f**k you been practicing on? This answers what old Joe’s been doing while Charlie and mom are at school and working… Old Joe’s the block Gigolo, and doing sexual favors for food, and a few dollars here or there… But back to the story... We get to the Fizzy lifting drinks, and who wants to take a sip, and break the rules… You guessed it, old Gigolo Joe… It talks poor Charlie into it, and almost got the kid killed… But yes he did save him... Only cues the old bastard couldn’t get close enough to steal the goobstoper…. If Joe had had it, Charlie would have been cut up, and Grandpa’s be chilling on an island with half naked women fanning him… Ok a few scenes later, and we got Greedy Joe asking where Charlie’s prize…is. Wonka explains how they broke the rules, and what’s Joe do? Calls him names, even though he was the one who screwed Charlie by making him take a sip... But then the idea hits... Screw Wonka, I’ll sell out to old slugworth, and then knock off the rest of the family, to keep the money for myself (Never been proven, but hey that’s what I think Joe thought..) But good sweet Charlie knew that Joe was evil, and decides to not be a punk, and betray Wonka….. Hence Charlie wins it all…. Now notice after wonka says you have won, and he going to put his coat on, who helps him? Joe, with a giant smile… Hey he knows what dick to suck to keep the money train rolling… Wasn’t it not less then a minute ago, you were calling him filthy names? Now comes the telling of Charlie being named owner of the Factory, and becoming a multi billionaire… Old Joe pipes in about what about me? And Wonka says they all can come…

Though out that whole flick Joe was out to get what Joe could get, and I find him to be a wicked and evil man… I hope there are others out there who can see this man for what he is… Because you and I know once he got in the place, who made the ompas wait on him, and I heard even made a few of them give him a reach around to make him feel special now and then… WHAT AN EVIL GREEDY MAN THAT GRANDPA JOE is…."

Enjoy that? Then you'll probably enjoy this site too, head on over to

Grandpa Joe, you sicken me.

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